I’m sure I don’t need to tell you being a mother is an incredibly difficult job. Alongside all the joy, pride, and happiness, there are moments of overwhelm, despair, and complete exhaustion.
Becoming a mother, whether it’s for the first time or the fifth, is a vulnerable time. Many people find themselves feeling isolated and alone, drowning in the demands placed upon them. This is why I’m so adamant new mums need masses of nurturing, support, and compassion. If I could go back in time and offer these things to myself following the birth of my first baby, here are three things I’d draw my attention to…
3 Things I Wish I Knew When I had My First Baby
1. Expectation Vs. Reality
I wish I knew my expectations of motherhood would be completely different from the reality.
I remember thinking I’d be able to spend maternity leave sitting on the sofa all day, catching up on TV and chilling with my baby. I thought it would be a time of rest! I had no idea how much work was involved in caring for a newborn. The nappy changes, the bottle washing, the feeding, the laundry, the swaying and rocking to get my baby to sleep. It was non-stop, and not what I’d imagined at all.
As humans, when our expectations aren’t met, we can understandably feel disappointed. For me, it wasn’t disappointment I felt in the early days of motherhood, it was anxiety. It was pressure. It was stress and overwhelm. Of course, these feelings didn’t match my expectations either. I was supposed to be happy, calm and serene.
We’re often told we should enjoy every moment of motherhood because it’s a precious, fleeting experience. While I agree it’s a special time that goes by every quickly, I now know it’s not realistic or feasible for someone to enjoy every minute of every day as a mum.
I shared more thoughts on the pressure to enjoy every minute of motherhood here.
2. Feelings Aren’t Facts
I wish I knew that feeling like a bad mum didn’t mean I was one.
Instead, it was a sign I was being too hard on myself. I believed I should be doing everything right, all the time, and I was putting an immense amount of pressure on myself and my tiny baby to behave in a certain way.
Looking back, I wish I could give that version of me a hug and say, ‘Laura, just rest, relax, and chill out. The dishes can wait. Make yourself a nice hot cup of coffee and a biscuit and just pause. Spend a moment being still. Stop trying to get everything right, stop trying to be perfect, because it doesn’t exist.’
I shared more about what to say to yourself when you feel like a bad mum here.
3. Mum Guilt
I wish I knew about the infamous ‘mum guilt’.
Guilt is such common experience among mothers, especially new mums. I remember feeling guilty about almost everything. For needing a nap in the day, for leaving my baby for the first time overnight, for returning to work at the end of maternity leave. Feeling guilty for taking a break, or for not taking a break and feeling stressed and overwhelmed as a result.
I’ve come to realise we experience mum guilt because we’re good mums. We want the best for our children. We love them, we care for them, and we want them to be happy. We want them to have good experiences that will help them thrive and grow into healthy, secure adults. What we need to work on is showing ourselves more love and compassion at the same time.
I shared more on coping with mum guilt here.
Gentle Affirmations for New Mums
If you’re a new mum, I’d love you to say these statements to yourself in a kind and gentle tone, as you place your hand on your heart.
It’s okay if I don’t enjoy every moment of motherhood.
If I feel like a bad mum, it doesn’t mean I am one.
I don’t need to feel guilty for everything.
I matter too.
Nurturing You Through Motherhood
If you’re a new mum and you’re struggling with your mental health for any reason, I can help. Reach out for support by booking a consultation here or subscribe to The Nurture Toolkit for free, actionable tips and prompts straight to your inbox. I also share lots of encouragement and support via Instagram.