If you’ve landed here because you’re a mum struggling with intrusive thoughts, I want to start by reassuring you. These thoughts, even if they include hurting your baby, do not say anything negative about you as a mother. There is a big difference between intrusive thoughts and having an active intention or desire to harm a child. The fact you feel so disturbed by the thought is a sign you are not going to act upon it. However, this doesn’t mean the experience isn’t distressing.
What are Intrusive Thoughts?
Intrusive thoughts are unwanted thoughts, images, urges or doubts that pop into our minds involuntarily. They are often disturbing in nature. Read Intrusive Thoughts in Parenthood to see some examples.
In general, intrusive thoughts are a very normal part of the human experience. We experience tens of thousands of involuntary thoughts per day. Some make us feel good, excited, content and safe. Some make us feel neutral. Others can feel more negative and distressing.
We will experience an array of positive, neutral and negative thoughts per day. For obvious reasons, the positive and neutral thoughts tend to come and go without any issue. However, negative and distressing thoughts can cause us emotional disturbance. These are the intrusive thoughts we might seek help for.
Intrusive thoughts can affect anyone, but they also play a large role in emotional problems such as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I’ve written about this in more detail in Coping with Perinatal OCD.
Are New Mums More Susceptible to Intrusive Thoughts?
If you are a new mum, you may be more likely to experience intrusive thoughts. There are a couple of reasons for this. First, you are entirely responsible for your new baby. This can feel stressful and overwhelming.
We also know intrusive thoughts are repugnant. This basically means they go against your value system and are the opposite of what you think is ethically and morally right. When your entire focus is loving and protecting your new baby, it follows that any intrusive thoughts might question or challenge your ability to do this. This tracks with what I hear in the therapy room as new mums often struggle with thoughts around harm coming to their child or baby.
If you are a new mum experiencing intrusive thoughts, I would recommend listening to my podcast episode Intrusive Thoughts in Parenthood for tips and strategies to help you manage.
What Kind of Mum Do Intrusive Thoughts Make You?
Distressing, intrusive thoughts make you a mum who is dealing with something difficult. They make you a mum who is having a tough time when things are already hard enough. They make you a mum who deserves compassion, kindness and support. That’s it.
As a loving mother, experiencing an unwanted, involuntary thought or image of your child coming to some kind of harm can be extremely upsetting. When this happens, mums often feel bad about themselves for having the intrusive thought, especially if it involved them causing harm to their baby.
Again, I want to reassure you that this doesn’t mean you want to perform the act you’re imagining. It’s just a random thought that’s popped into your head. Feeling so disturbed by it is a sign you are not going to act upon that thought.
Unfortunately, there are people in the world who do like to harm and hurt children. The difference between them and you is that they would not feel disturbed by the thought of harming a child because they have an internal desire to do so. The mums I see in the therapy room have so much guilt, anxiety and shame about experiencing these thoughts, I can be sure there is no risk of them acting upon them.
Get the Help You Need
If you’re struggling with intrusive thoughts and it’s affecting your mental health, I can help. Reach out for the support you need by booking a consultation here.
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