Let’s be honest – we all use Google in our day-to-day lives. Whenever we need information, it’s usually our first port of call, so it makes sense that it might feature heavily while you’re navigating pregnancy, birth, and life as a new mum.
Whether you’re googling pregnancy symptoms, how to cope with the fourth trimester, or the best educational toys for your three-month-old, Google is instantly available at your fingertips. A significant proportion of my website traffic comes via Google, so it might even be how you ended up here!
Clearly, Google plays a positive role in our lives. But are there any downsides for anxious new mums?
Knowledge is Power, Isn’t It?
Google, and the internet more generally, allows us to access knowledge and information quickly and easily. Used in the right way, for the right reasons, Google can be very efficient, fast and reliable. However, the fact you can access answers to your questions so easily means you might struggle to tolerate not knowing things. If you’re ever in a situation where you can’t use Google, you could find yourself feeling anxious and emotionally charged because you’re not able to get the information you’re used to.
From a psychological perspective, it’s okay not to know everything. In fact, most people find the more information they have, the more overwhelmed they become. Maybe this has happened to you. Have you ever spent hours and hours scrolling, trying to digest what you’re reading, and found yourself becoming frustrated because you can’t understand or take it all in? In this situation, did Google feel like a blessing or a curse?
New Mum Anxiety, Google, and the Vicious Cycle this Creates
Anxiety often stems from uncertainty, unpredictability and/or situations we cannot control. When you become anxious, you might notice certain physical sensations in the body such as feeling tense. Often, we have the urge to eradicate these unpleasant symptoms as quickly as possible. You can read more about this in Anxiety in the Body.
For anxious new mums, one of the ways they can do this is by going straight to Google. For example, if you’re worried your baby’s poo is the wrong colour, you’ll type a question into the search bar so you can quickly find information to help. This might be reassuring, but sometimes Google can bring up an article or resource that suggests there’s a problem, further fuelling your anxiety.
This isn’t the only issue with using Google when we’re anxious. The more we know, and the more predictability and certainty we have, the more intolerant we become to not having it. Next time you’re feeling anxious because you’re facing something unpredictable or out of your control, the vicious cycle of using Google to cope begins again. In the short term, your anxiety disappears, so every time these feelings return, you go straight back to Google.
Because it makes you feel better, this behaviour becomes positively reinforced. You believe Google is the solution to your problem, but it’s actually reducing your tolerance for uncertainty and making you even more anxious. You can learn more about this process in Excessive Reassurance Seeking and Anxiety.
Is Google an Issue for You?
Google isn’t the enemy, but how we use it and the amount of time we spend online can become a problem if it’s linked to anxiety. Here are some questions you can ask yourself to better understand your relationship with the search engine:
- How often do you use Google as a new mum?
- What situations prompt you to go to Google?
- Do you go to Google when you’re feeling anxious?
- Does Google give you short-term relief from these feelings?
- Is this something you’d like to tackle and change?
How Therapy Can Help
One of the ways we would work on this in therapy is to practice delaying your use of Google. When you feel anxious and you’re craving certainty and predictability, if your normal response is to use Google immediately, I would recommend delaying this for half an hour.
By sitting with uncertainty, and the worry and anxiety not knowing something might cause, you get used to how this feels and learn how to cope with it. We would then look at delaying your use of Google even more, slowly building up your tolerance over time.
Therapy for New Mums
If you’re struggling with anxiety or any other aspect of motherhood, I can help. Reach out for support by booking a consultation here or subscribe to The Nurture Toolkit for free, actionable tips and prompts straight to your inbox. I also share lots of encouragement and support via Instagram.