Putting your baby in childcare can trigger lots of emotions, particularly guilt and anxiety. Whether your child is going to nursery or a childminder, or even staying with a trusted family member, it can be an emotionally difficult time.
3 Reasons You Might Be Apprehensive About Putting Your Baby in Childcare
1. You may be worried about how your baby will feel while you’re apart or how they’ll respond to being separated. Your concerns could be related to their relationship with their key worker or whether they’ll feel safe and secure with the people they’re being left with. You might also be worried about them feeling distressed when you drop them off or unsettled throughout the day.
2. If you’re still breastfeeding, you may worry your baby won’t have enough to drink throughout the day because they usually refuse a bottle or other drinks. You may also worry about maintaining your supply once you’re back at work. If your baby has moved on to solids, you may worry about them refusing the food offered at their childcare setting, especially if they’re usually fussy or unwilling to try new things.
3. Sleep is another common source of worry, particularly if you have a specific naptime routine at home. Moving into a childcare setting where they need to sleep at different times or in an unfamiliar environment has the potential to disrupt your baby’s normal rhythm. Given that babies who don’t sleep well throughout the day can sometimes struggle to sleep at night, you might be worried about the impact of this on your own sleep too.
Normal Apprehension Vs. Anxiety
It’s very normal to be apprehensive about trying something new or unfamiliar, and putting your baby into childcare is no different. Normal apprehension tends to be quite mild and easily managed. In contrast, anxiety and fear are more intense and usually have a much bigger impact on your day-to-day life.
Someone that is anxious or fearful about putting their baby into childcare may spend a significant amount of time worrying about the transition, googling information, reading forums, and looking for evidence to support their fears. They might also seek lots of reassurance from their partner, other mums, or a friend. All of this worrying and reassurance seeking takes up lots of time and can really impact your mood and overall mental health. You can learn more about this in How Excessive Reassurance Seeking Fuels Anxiety.
My Tips for Coping if You’re Anxious About Putting Your Baby in Childcare
In CBT, we focus on there being two types of worry – hypothetical worries and real worries.
Hypothetical worries are things that have not happened yet, but there is a possibility they could happen at some point, and they tend not to have a current solution. Examples include ‘what if the baby won’t take a bottle all day while they’re at nursery” or ‘what if the baby cries during drop off.’
In contrast, real worries are things that have happened and there is a current solution to them. For example, the nursery has called to say the baby won’t take a bottle, or the baby is crying as you walk away. The solutions for these would be leaving work early to feed the baby and trying a different bottle tomorrow or asking the baby’s key worked to comfort them while you leave.
Most people are really good at problem-solving real worries, but it’s the hypothetical worries that consume us. The best way to manage hypothetical worries is to notice them, label them, and let them go. There is no point trying to find a solution to something that hasn’t happened yet.
Hypothetical worries are usually future based, so letting them go involves bringing your mind back to the present moment. Focus on your surroundings, tune into your senses, and be mindful of the here and now. Give your energy and attention to things you can control and actually do something about.
If a hypothetical worry becomes reality, then you can start thinking about ways to solve it. It is a huge waste of time and energy trying to find a solution to problems that don’t yet exist. Doing so can leave you stuck in a vicious cycle of anxiety and worry, which can have a big impact on your life. Read How to Manage Excessive Worrying for more on this.
Therapy for Anxious New Mums
If you’re struggling with anxiety or any other aspect of motherhood, I can help. Reach out for support by booking a consultation here or subscribe to The Nurture Toolkit for free, actionable tips and prompts straight to your inbox. I also share lots of encouragement and support via Instagram.