Mum Stress – Why Are We So Susceptible?
‘Mum stress’ is a term used to describe the chronic mental, emotional and physical exhaustion mothers can experience. It stems from the relentless demands of caregiving, running a home, working, and living up to society’s ideals around what it means to be a ‘good mum’.
There are lots of reasons mums experience high stress. Here are some of them:
- Carrying the bulk of the ‘mental load’, if not all of it. This is the never-ending, often invisible work of anticipating everyone’s needs, scheduling appointments, and organising daily life.
- Being the ‘default parent’. In other words, the go-to for childcare and domestic management, even in households where both parents work.
- Raising children without ‘a village’. You might be isolated from family and friends because you’ve moved away or perhaps there’s family estrangement.
- Mum guilt. No matter how much you’re doing for your children and family, your inner critic keeps telling you you’re not doing enough.
Change, Anxiety & Overwhelm
One of the hardest things about motherhood is that every time you feel like you’ve mastered something, your baby’s needs change. There’s a new, steep learning curve to navigate every couple of months, especially in the first few years. For example, just as you’ve got the hang of breast feeding, it’s time to think about weaning. Just as you’ve settled into maternity leave, it’s time to plan your return to work. This can definitely feel overwhelming.
Some seasons of motherhood are more stressful than others. In the early postpartum days, sometimes called the fourth trimester, overwhelm can be much more frequent and intense. Your baby is completely dependent on you to meet every single one of their needs. At the same time, you’re recovering from labour and birth, learning new skills like breastfeeding, and navigating some of the worst sleep deprivation you’ll ever experience. It feels hard because it is hard!
Feeling anxious about a certain aspect of your motherhood journey can also increase your stress levels. If this is something you’re struggling with, you might find the following links helpful:
- What is Postpartum Anxiety?
- Help – I Can’t Stop Worrying About Putting My Baby in Childcare
- Help – I’m Anxious About Weaning My Baby
- I Can’t Stop Worrying About My Baby’s Health – A Therapist’s Perspective
A Therapist’s Tips for Coping with Overwhelm and Reducing Mum Stress
Ensure you have a balance of boring tasks and nourishing activities to do throughout the day. If you’re constantly doing the boring, mundane tasks of motherhood (changing nappies, washing bottles, tidying the house etc), you’re more likely to feel hopeless or low or miserable because there’s no enjoyment and satisfaction within these things.
Try picking at least one nourishing thing a day you can do in amongst all your other tasks. Even if it’s just sitting outside in the sun for a quick cup of tea, balancing out the boring stuff with something you enjoy will help boost your mood and reduce stress.
Carve out meaningful and intentional time for yourself. This might look like going for a 20-minute walk around the block, having a bath, booking a massage, getting your nails done or meeting up with some friends for coffee.
You matter, your identity matters, and engaging with your values and things you enjoy is really important for managing stress and balancing out the overwhelm that can come with motherhood. Don’t let mum guilt get in the way of doing things just for you. Personally, when I’ve had time away from my family and the children, I feel like my batteries have been recharged.
Learn some new ways to relax and soothe yourself. When we’re stressed and overwhelmed, our nervous system can become dysregulated. This means we’re more likely to feel snappy and irritable. In turn, this can trigger mum guilt because we blame ourselves rather than the underlying stress.
There are lots of tools and strategies you can employ when you notice you’re feeling overwhelmed or find yourself needing to manage emotional dysregulation. Explore my Self-Soothing Series for tips and ideas.
Ask for help and support if you can. I know this isn’t possible for everyone, but if you can, asking for support to ease the load and share the burden of responsibility should reduce some of the pressure you’re feeling and experiencing.
Therapy for New Mums
If you’re struggling with mum stress and chronic overwhelm, therapy could be really beneficial for you. Reach out for support by booking a consultation here. I also share lots of encouragement and support via Instagram.