Social Media & Motherhood – Let’s Look at the Positives
Social media can definitely play a positive role in your motherhood journey. For example, it’s somewhere you can experience a sense of community. Making online mum friends through forums and support groups can be very beneficial, particularly for those who are isolated from family and friends for whatever reason.
It’s also somewhere you can go for information and support. Imagine you were struggling to breastfeed. Social media is home to an array of experts and information that could give you the guidance and support you might desperately need at 3am when your baby won’t latch.
Social Media & Motherhood – The Comparison Trap
I believe the biggest downside to social media is the comparison trap it creates. Although most of us know comparison is the thief of joy, social media makes it hard to avoid. It’s also easy to forget what we’re seeing online is usually the best parts of someone’s life, not the full, messy reality.
For example, when you scroll Instagram and TikTok, you soon come across nurseries and children’s bedrooms that are perfectly colour co-ordinated and look like a picture out of a magazine. Siblings are playing nicely while dressed in matching clothes, mothers look effortlessly stylish, and everyone appears to be happy and content.
If you’re already feeling insecure or down on yourself, seeing other people’s seemingly perfect lives online can lead you to think you’re not doing motherhood right. If you’re finding things tough, you might also wonder why you’re not experiencing the enjoyment other mums seem to be experiencing in the content you’re consuming online. These things can fuel self-doubt and self-criticism and even increase feelings of shame.
Social Media and Feeling Like a Bad Mum
When my children were younger, I would often watch ‘what my kid eats in a day’ videos on Instagram. There would be masses of fruit and vegetables, homemade snacks, and healthy salads, and I’d end up feeling terrible about what I was feeding my own children. Obviously, I always tried to encourage my kids to eat healthy food, but sometimes chicken nuggets and chips in the air fryer was all I had the capacity to make. When I saw these videos, especially if it happened to be a night I’d been too tired to cook from scratch, it would make me question myself, doubt myself, and generally feel bad about myself and my decisions as a mother.
Clearly, social media and the comparison trap it creates can contribute to feeling like a bad mum. It can make us feel like other people have got it all together when we haven’t, that other people’s houses are tidier than ours, or their food is healthier. We might start believing everyone else is enjoying every aspect of motherhood while we’re feeling the exact opposite.
How to Use Social Media in a More Positive Way
As you can see, social media can be both a blessing and a curse for mums. Thankfully, we have control over how we use social media, and there are some simple steps we can take to make the experience more positive.
If possible, limit the amount of time you spend on social media. Motherhood is hard enough on its own. Feeling like a bad mum adds a layer of difficulty and affects our capacity to cope at a time when the demands placed on us are already at an all-time high. The last thing we need is the added layer of self-criticism that can come from spending too much time on social media looking at accounts that make us feel inferior.
Don’t beat yourself up if you find this hard at first. Many apps are specifically designed to keep us scrolling. When you do go online, try to prioritise content that makes you feel good rather than content that doesn’t. Keep checking in with how you feel. If you are following accounts that make you feel encouraged and motivated, keep following them. If an account makes you feel bad about yourself, consider blocking or muting. Doing this will allow you to focus on your own journey and lean into your own decisions and instincts.
Therapy for New Mums
If you’re struggling with feeling like a bad mum, I can help. Reach out for support by booking a consultation here or subscribe to The Nurture Toolkit for free, actionable tips and prompts straight to your inbox. I also share lots of encouragement and support via Instagram.